Looking good at home

January is a holiday period for many, and it’s around this time when a lot of people tend to slop around the house in their scruffiest clothes – partly because they want to hide the Christmas rolls, and partly because they’re on holiday and don’t want to make an effort.

            I have to admit I’ve always had a problem with the notion of having one of type of look for work, and a completely different (much daggier) look for home. Why should we make less effort for the people we care about the most?

            Sure, you can argue that they will love us, no matter how we look. But is that really fair? If we’d be ashamed to go out to the shops in our old tracksuit leggings, why should our partners or children see us in them?

            I’ll come straight out and say it. I think we should look nice at home. But there’s no reason why we can’t make it a comfy nice!

            So, in summer, I can usually be found in my house wearing an attractive, cotton dress (usually accompanied by a cardigan, as I live in Melbourne). For me, dresses are the most comfortable garment available. You can choose your own style but, with so many stretch fabrics around these days, you can even do the sexy look and be comfortable.

            But perhaps an even more important staple in your wardrobe is a nice pair of pyjamas. There’s a scene in the movie Coco Before Chanel, where Boy Capel finds Coco lying on a lounge in her pyjamas, reading a book. ‘You are very elegant,’ he tells her, and it’s true. Her silk pyjamas are flattering.

            I always make sure I have a nice pair of pyjamas (or two) to swan around the house in, morning and evening – silk or cotton is best and they shouldn’t be too fitted. If I’m not wearing slippers, I’ll put on a pair of Maria Peron loafers – preferably the flat Annikas, because they are the perfect casual summer shoe.

            You don't need to be a scruff for the people you live with this summer. Honestly, you can be elegant and comfortable at the same time. You just have to find the right pair of PJs. 

The eyes have it

It’s said that the eyes are the window to the soul. They can certainly say a lot about a person – or to a person. A long look from a complete stranger can haunt one for years. Lovers stare into each other’s eyes over a dinner table, in almost the same way that a young baby stares fixedly into the eyes of its mother. It’s as though they are trying to unlock every secret.

I’m sure many of you have experienced being in the powder room in a hotel or a restaurant, engaged in the simple act of brushing your hair or touching up your lipstick, and another woman approaches the sink and you catch her eye and you can see her thinking, ‘She looks beautiful.’ It’s such a lovely moment. Sometimes I think those flashes of communication with a stranger have more meaning than the compliments offered you by friends. Because they don’t owe you anything. There is none of the complicated give and take that comes with friendship. It’s simply the frank acknowledgement of another human being they like the look of.

I’ve been thinking about how we look at the way someone is dressed. For me it very often starts with the shoes. If I pass someone wearing distinctive shoes in the street, I can’t help looking at the rest of her outfit and finally her face. Sometimes I’m disappointed, sometimes I’m surprised, sometimes I’m thrilled all through. Shoes can tell you a lot about a person. They might be particularly beautiful shoes, or unusual in some way. I also love to see shoes well cared for.

Sometimes the person I’m examining catches my eye. That’s where you have to be careful. It’s fine to pay someone a compliment with your eyes, it’s not so fine to show disapproval. Instinctively I have a smile ready, in case I’m caught out.

I think we are losing the ability to communicate with others with our eyes. We all lead increasingly busy lives, rushing from one thing to another, barely remembering to communicate with the person serving us in a shop, let alone with strangers on the street. And most of us have had experiences when people have been unreasonably upset because we looked at them. People who are ill, depressed or angry will often misinterpret a glance. But they are in a minority. We shouldn’t let them put us off.

I love to see the way children look at people. Most of us will hurry past a busker, but a child will often stop and study him with intense curiosity, or bob clumsily along to his music. And the busker will smile at the child, and double his efforts. It’s a beautiful thing, that moment of acknowledgement.

Let’s not lose the art of communicating with our eyes, especially to compliment. After all, a few glances of acknowledgment and approval every week can’t hurt us. We won’t miss them, and they might make someone’s day. 

The Art of Grace

I have just finished reading a book called The Art of Grace, by Sarah L. Kaufman, critic and senior arts writer of the Washington Post.

Kaufman speaks of two kinds of grace – the grace of movement, or poise, and grace of manner, which we generally know as graciousness. She says that the art of grace has been important to us for a thousand years, being a quality valued by the ancient Greeks. Writing in sixteenth-century Florence, the poet and archbishop Giovanni Della Casa equated grace with fine craftsmanship. In the 1930s it was a habitual practice that enhanced the whole person.

Kaufman talks a lot about the actor Cary Grant being the epitome of grace. Grant was known for his ease of movement (no doubt due to his early training as an acrobat and stage performer). He was also famous for his kindness in putting other less celebrated people at their ease in unfamiliar situations.

Kaufman laments that grace is a quality that is now virtually lost. These days there is much more emphasis on putting ourselves first, on fulfilling our own dreams, rather than being considerate of other people.

The book has made me ponder this mystery of grace, and I’ve been going through all the people I know in my head, trying to decide whether they have grace. It’s true that it’s relatively rare to find both grace of movement and grace of manner in one person. They generally tend to have one or the other.

I think the way we look is of paramount importance. If you’re meeting another person, it’s not very nice for them if you turn up wearing your old tracksuit. It’s not hard to present yourself well, so why wouldn’t you? 

That brings me to the other kind of grace - that of manners, or graciousness. Many of the women I know and most admire have poise. They are compassionate and kind, but I don’t think they would always hide their true feelings just to make someone else feel comfortable, and I think they are right. If you see people behaving badly, shouldn’t you tell them, rather than let them get away with it?

This in turn has made me wonder – is graciousness really something that I would want to see fully restored? It’s something that women in particular were supposed to cultivate. But was it just another way of keeping them quiet?

Still, I love the idea of being gracious. I think it’s noble to be considerate and thoughtful of others, unless by being so you compromise your own values. I’d like to think you can combine graciousness with speaking out when it really matters.

Kaufman says we can cultivate grace, and I’m determined to work on it. I may never reach the lofty standards of Audrey Hepburn, or Cary Grant, but every bit of polish helps, don’t you think?

Signature look

Lots of women follow fashion, but there are some women who keep up with trends and yet have their own individual style.

I’m sure you know a few – they’re the ones who look just right at every event, whether it’s casual or dressy. And you can recognise them from a distance.

I think the secret is to have a signature piece, or a signature style. If it’s a particular look, it might be something like high-waisted skirts with a narrow belt. A signature piece might range from wearing an unusual type of jewellery, to sporting a hat.

I have a friend who has her own look. She’ll wear clothes of stylish cut, but there is always something unique about her outfits. She will mix prints with stripes, and add distinctive accessories to a corporate look when she is at work. Her thick blonde hair is always styled just enough to suggest movie star glamour, without being try-hard.

I once knew a woman whose trademark was patterned stockings. She had numerous pairs of them, all different designs. It’s a great idea, because you don’t need many clothes to bring a new look to each day.

All the famous fashion icons have their signature trademark. In Roman Holiday, Audrey Hepburn made the 50s look her own by adding a wide belt to the swing skirt. Millions of women adopted that look. Audrey had an uncanny eye for style, and she instinctively knew that the belt outlined her tiny waist, making her gamine look more appealing.

My signature is striking shoes. I love to wear simple, classic clothes with a pair of vividly coloured shoes.

What’s your signature look? 

Dressing for summer that isn't a summer

Some climates are really hard to dress for, and there can’t be many places in the world more challenging for your wardrobe choice than Melbourne in summer.

Our wonderful city is famous for its “three seasons in a day”. You can go out in the morning in a summer dress because the sun is shining, but by afternoon clouds will have come from nowhere, the temperature has plummeted and it’s cold. This is particularly noticeable in the city, where the tall buildings create wind tunnels, and the breeze cuts through clothing like a scimitar.  

If you’re like me, you’re no longer happy to suffer for fashion, so what can you wear that is going to cover all bases? Well, everyone knows about layering, but to make sure I’m never too hot or too cold, I think more carefully about fabric.

Normally, silk is my favourite material, but on a very warm day silk will encourage you to perspire freely, and it shows (eek!) so in summer I turn to cotton dresses like the ones pictured below.

Cotton definitely won’t stand up to a Melbourne evening, so if I’m going out I’ll take a light jacket or blazer. My favourite is a russet brown coat, which is actually a raincoat as well, so very useful for those sudden showers. It folds up quite small, so I can put it in a bag. But even this won’t always be enough, so my secret addition is a cashmere cardigan. Cashmere is so warm, and it’s light. You can stuff a cardigan in your handbag and pull it out only when necessary. It’s also very useful for those restaurants or theatres with over-enthusiastic air-conditioning.

The other important consideration is shoes. I generally prefer open-toed shoes in summer, like the Karen sandal, or the Annika shoe. Both of these styles will also stand up to a sudden weather change, or a shower. But if there is no chance of rain, I love to wear the Megan in pink or yellow. There is nothing like a splash of colour to make any day feel like a holiday. Bring on summer!