I have just finished reading a book called The Art of Grace, by Sarah L. Kaufman, critic and senior arts writer of the Washington Post.
Kaufman speaks of two kinds of grace – the grace of movement, or poise, and grace of manner, which we generally know as graciousness. She says that the art of grace has been important to us for a thousand years, being a quality valued by the ancient Greeks. Writing in sixteenth-century Florence, the poet and archbishop Giovanni Della Casa equated grace with fine craftsmanship. In the 1930s it was a habitual practice that enhanced the whole person.
Kaufman talks a lot about the actor Cary Grant being the epitome of grace. Grant was known for his ease of movement (no doubt due to his early training as an acrobat and stage performer). He was also famous for his kindness in putting other less celebrated people at their ease in unfamiliar situations.
Kaufman laments that grace is a quality that is now virtually lost. These days there is much more emphasis on putting ourselves first, on fulfilling our own dreams, rather than being considerate of other people.
The book has made me ponder this mystery of grace, and I’ve been going through all the people I know in my head, trying to decide whether they have grace. It’s true that it’s relatively rare to find both grace of movement and grace of manner in one person. They generally tend to have one or the other.
I think the way we look is of paramount importance. If you’re meeting another person, it’s not very nice for them if you turn up wearing your old tracksuit. It’s not hard to present yourself well, so why wouldn’t you?
That brings me to the other kind of grace - that of manners, or graciousness. Many of the women I know and most admire have poise. They are compassionate and kind, but I don’t think they would always hide their true feelings just to make someone else feel comfortable, and I think they are right. If you see people behaving badly, shouldn’t you tell them, rather than let them get away with it?
This in turn has made me wonder – is graciousness really something that I would want to see fully restored? It’s something that women in particular were supposed to cultivate. But was it just another way of keeping them quiet?
Still, I love the idea of being gracious. I think it’s noble to be considerate and thoughtful of others, unless by being so you compromise your own values. I’d like to think you can combine graciousness with speaking out when it really matters.
Kaufman says we can cultivate grace, and I’m determined to work on it. I may never reach the lofty standards of Audrey Hepburn, or Cary Grant, but every bit of polish helps, don’t you think?
